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Tuesday, January 6th, 2004
11:43 pm
New year, new beginning.

2004 -- Year of the Complicated Kitty, et aussi, Ans de la smirklip.

Drop a comment here to (a) let me know you got this, and (b) let me know you want an add to the friends list.

Thanks for your patronage.

current mood: full

[13 sirens || almost brave]

Thursday, January 1st, 2004
12:43 pm - Regaling you with Tales of Decadence
Last night was a five-course meal at the Gasthaus in Peachland, sponsored by my parents. I have never eaten so well, and indeed, I believe that I never will again, being as my wallet has cartoonish moths flying out of it, and (silly me!) I usually spend my money on ridiculous things like clothing rather than treating myself to gorgeous, decadent gourmet meals.

The night was begun with a creamy lobster bisque. Lobster has never smelled quite right to me, but I assure you, it was delicious. Also, pansy petals all over the dish. I'm not sure if you were supposed to eat them (? do you eat them? I'm suddenly incredibly insecure at my lack of culture!) but I did, and they tasted ... well, like flower petals.

Anyways, then came the salad, a house salad doused in balsamic vinagrette. Superb vegetables, very fresh and crisp. Also, a slice of starfruit (I really love starfruit, I could live off of it) which I ate with eager haste. In fact, most of my meal was eaten with eager haste. By this time, I had finished off the better half of my second glass of Sprite and pineapple juice, a ridiculously yummy drink I concocted in my head when Eric knowledgably (and almost, dare I say, snobbily) ordered a ginger ale with lime. I am now addicted to Sprite and pineapple, and am struggling with withdrawal even now.

This was followed by flamed feta (which wasn't served to us flaming, I was sorely disappointed) which I was actually quite disappointed with. I mean, I'm not a superbig fan of feta in the first place, but I expected that baked feta may have been a little less disappointing. Unfortunately it wasn't, but that didn't really matter, as I was sampling Ang's tigerprawns and lobster ravioli across the table. Third glass of spritepineapple, which was a beer mug full because they had run out of elegant glasses. Oh well, it's not like I'm the picture of refinement anyways, right? Of course I am.

Then we were brought champagne sorbet, which I didn't get the chance to eat because I was with my parents. Instead, they asked for champagne sorbet without the champagne. Ha. However, my mom sampled the champagne sorbet before it was sent back, and she LOVED it, which leads me to believe that if Mormons were allowed to drink, she would definitely enjoy a glass of the bubbly more than twice a day.

Then came the entree. I had the salmon in dill sauce, stuffed with crab and cream cheese, with awesome vegetables and the creamiest, most yummy mashed potatoes I've ever had. By this time, I was so full of everything else (and spritepineapple) that I couldn't finish my salmon. It was so sad, but it's packed up in my fridge, if I can bear to put something that beautiful in the microwave for reheating. I doubt it though.

Then to the dance floor in the pub part of the Haus for New Years' festivities with the StevenTyler-BoyGeorge lookalike deejay. Then some decent dance music, and then ... the MACARENA!! I was pretty much the only one (well, besides the scary deejay) that knew the dance. It was a shaming experience, but ... I liked it! Ugh.

Then back to the dining room for dessert. Mousse and some other icecreamish stuff, I wasn't paying much attention. Got powdered sugar on my sleeves. Stupid decorative dishes. Another slice of starfruit, another frenzy of eager haste.

I have since become bored with this entry, so I think I'm going to go use my Chapters gift certificate.

Happy New Year everyone.

2004 - Year of the Complicated Kitty.

current mood: blah

[5 sirens || almost brave]

Thursday, December 25th, 2003
10:15 pm
All the ridiculousness in the world can't detriment from the look on peoples' faces when they finally get a well thought out present.

Entirely too much food today. Also, muchas sleep, but I was handsomely rewarded for all efforts. I now possess my own copy of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, an extremely thoughtful gift from Rico. Also amongst the more noteworthy of presents came an extremely small digital camera, which takes stunning pictures. I also possess a wireless keyboard and mouse. WIRELESS, ladies and gents. I now have absolutely no excuse of any kind to not do computer things because I am in bed. Which sucks, but what do you do. I'd rather be with than without. Also, probably from incessant whining, I now have a Sony Discman. I have electronics coming out of my arse.

But I do have a bit of a bone to pick. I don't know where my parents got the idea I enjoyed mainstream music, but as evidenced by the Big Shiny Tunes and Dance Mix 2004, they are fairly firmly convinced of this fact. My brothers, however, got every Matthew Good Band cd in existence, including my favorite, Underdogs, and White Stripes, De Stijl. Gr.

But really, I haven't anything to complain about. I had a Christmas well beyond any expectation of my own, and I hope that all your Christmases went similarly.

Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope you are all well.

current mood: happy

[10 sirens || almost brave]

6:22 pm
The Cultivation of Christmas Trees

There are several attitudes towards Christmas,
Some of which we may disregard:
The social, the torpid, the patently commercial,
The rowdy (the pubs being open till midnight),
And the childish -- which is not that of the child
For whom the candle is a star, and the gilded angel
Spreading its wings at the summit of the tree
Is not only a decoration, but an angel.
The child wonders at the Christmas Tree:
Let him continue in the spirit of wonder
At the feast as an event not accepted as a pretext;
So that the glittering rapture, the amazement
Of the first-remembered Christmas Tree,
So that the surprises, delight in new possessions
(Each one with its peculiar and exciting smell)
The expectation of the goose or turkey
And the expected awe on its appearance,
So that the reverence and the gaiety
May not be forgotten in later experience,
In the bored habituation, the fatigue, the tedium,
The awareness of death, the consciousness of failure,
Or in the piety of the convert
Which may be tainted with a self-conceit
dispelasing to god and disrespectful to the children
(And here i remember also with gratitude
St. Lucy, her carol, and her crown of fire):
So that before the end, the eightieth Christmas
(by 'eightieth' meaning whichever is the last)
The accumulated memories of annual emotion
May be concentrated into a great joy
Which shall be also a great fear, as on the occassion
When fear came upon every soul:
Because the beginning shall remind us of the end
And the first coming of the second coming.

--T. S. Eliot

current mood: thoughtful

[ || almost brave]

Wednesday, December 24th, 2003
11:58 pm
merry christmaseve!!

current mood: festive

[1 siren || almost brave]

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003
7:57 pm
It's ridiculous how heady Christmas makes me feel. I just finished a batch of the best goddamned cookies I've ever tasted, and am about to go make another. Things ... are looking up. Yes indeed.

I sang Christmas songs all day today at work. A customer (because I didn't stop singing whilst serving, oh no) asked me if I was singing opera. I had been singing "The First Noel". I smiled, and said Christmas music. She smiled back, openly, and wished me a Merry Christmas.

Indeed. A Christmas more merry couldn't be found anywhere. This year, I bought my Christmas presents with all of my own money, a first for me. It seems in the past I've always borrowed from my father to buy Christmas presents for the family, a practice that doesn't seem in the true spirit of the season, now that I think back on it. Granted, it has put an unholy dent in my bank account, but I feel what I have spent has been justifiable. Things just cost more money these days.

I have an overwhelming urge to press my face against the glass like I have done in past years, fogging the windows to try to catch glimpses of snow. It looks as if this year will be a green Christmas, which simply will not do. Every year, though, I say the same disappointed thing, and every year, the Whoever's Listening grants my wish for billowing white fields a hundredfold.

Ridiculous, how everyone smiles and passes through in such a delicate haze. Something absent from every other holiday is present in this one, in abundant amounts. I answer people slowly, cheerily, with a smile. I meet eyes with someone that carries a secret, and we laugh about it over splitsecond optical nerve tea. I am pleased, she says, that we had this talk; I move to the side to let her pass.

I never really formulate a Christmas list; I let people choose for me, as I will undoubtedly choose for them. No one knows what they REALLY want, and I usually do ... or at least I try. Something that they can keep close, and think of me whenever they see it. If you can't think of something to get me, you really shouldn't get me something at all. Spend the money on yourself, in some frivolity you couldn't otherwise justify. A new hat. A scarf. Chocolate. Bubbles.

Another batch of cookies, these ones chocolate as opposed to shortbread, are beckoning me to knead them into delicious submission, so I will close this entry with a hearty Merry Christmas, and a promise of multitudes of cookies to any who dare to visit.

current mood: festive

[1 siren || almost brave]

Saturday, December 6th, 2003
3:59 pm
HOLLA!!

[8 sirens || almost brave]

Saturday, November 22nd, 2003
12:00 am - skin poems
Mixed media poetry: ink on skin.

as written at the capitol theatre the eve of november 21st, 2003Collapse )

I think that's pretty much it for now.

current mood: artistic

[3 sirens || almost brave]

Sunday, November 16th, 2003
9:45 am - le debut de l'artiste du chameau
but i am le tiredCollapse )

current mood: amused

[9 sirens || almost brave]

Sunday, November 9th, 2003
5:19 pm - friends, romans, countrymen, lend me your ears
Okay darlings, today I did something monumentous and wonderful and potentially life changing.

I applied for the Emily Carr Institute of Art and Design. I am so excited, I really feel like I could do well and fluorish there... however ...

I have to come up with a portfolio of fifteen to twenty pieces by March 31st. Being as currently I probably have one thing that I would consider submitting, I'm going to need help in the form of models and volunteers for my crazy adventures in portfolio construction.

I'm planning on doing photography, sculpture, painting, body art, and perhaps even some clothing design.

Oh, and here's the kicker: If you refuse to help, you need to ask at least ten friends about it as well. Why, you ask? Out of guilt, of course! If I don't get this portfolio done (and well) then I will never get into ECIAD, which means my dreams of artistry will go unrequited, which means I will have crushed dreams.

Now honestly, do you want to CRUSH MY DREAMS?! (Andrew Speirs, don't touch this "dream crushing" thing. I swear to God if I hear one yes out of you I will kick your ass to kingdom come.)

Anyways, I think that's it. I may update again later, but it's doubtful. Drop me a comment if you're interested in letting me wreak havo.... I mean, be a model. Yeah.

PS - I'm still a teeny. Note the music. I amuse myself greatly. :)

current mood: artistic

[6 sirens || almost brave]

Sunday, October 19th, 2003
1:42 am
Kickass party tonight, guys. Just what I was a-needing.

Thanks to everyone who made today cool.

I am now, finally, taking my eyes to bed. Phewf.

current mood: content

[ || almost brave]

Saturday, October 18th, 2003
10:15 am - happy birthday to me
Today has been fabulous so far. I got to sleep in.

Now, what are the rest of you going to do to measure up?

current mood: content

[3 sirens || almost brave]

Friday, October 17th, 2003
11:42 am - a frustrated rant from a frustrated girl
... (!!!)

Okay, java. Fucking java. Okay. This class makes me want to vomit. I swear, I am about thisclose to going crazy, Vietnam Veteran style.

(flash to scene from The War's Over, Charlie Brown)

I think a pistyle-drillbit-frontallobe lobotomy is in order. Would anyone like to join?

In other news, I was entirely unable to attend the staff showing of Texas Chainsaw Massacre last night, as a result of no ride. I was quite looking forward to it, as well. Easy come, easy go? Perhaps. But I was disappointed, at the very least.

Ohwell. At least I don't have to work tonight. I hate Friday night shifts, they usually result in me working with a. ModelleKid, or b. Rico, neither of which do anything but stand around and be absolutely RIDICULOUS.

But I also was reminded this morning that I have dental work today after school. Yeah, apparently my perfect teeth aren't quite so perfect, after all. Fillings galore, all along the gum line. Hopefully this time they don't fucking poke around so much that I bleed and hurt for two days. There are reasons that I don't go to the dentist, though I am supposed to now before I actually have to pay for it myself. Whatever.

Got my hair cut yesterday. Not much length off, mostly just all flooshwoosh funkchunk layers that I plan to gel and spike and do all kinds of crazy things with. Hair is the coolest thing ever. Sometimes, though ... wish I had red curly hair. So much. I'd grow it long, like Nicole Kidman's in Far and Away, or Tori Amos's circa Under the Pink.

I wanted to ask my hairdresser if I could keep the hair, to make paintbrushes out of, but she didn't look too impressed with me anyways, so I kept my mouth shut. Next time ... next time. Til then, I might just have to buy my own.

I think that's about all.

ps - How are plans for my party going?

current mood: aggravated

[3 sirens || almost brave]

Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
4:32 pm
never again.

---

exonerate me, forget about me

current mood: indescribable

[ || almost brave]

10:22 am - happy birthday to me
Okay, kiddies. It's my birthday on Saturday, and I (of course) want to party like it's 1999 ... minus the corny 2000 glasses and paranoia. The catch is, I don't want to do any work for it. I am always the one who runs around like a headless chicken trying to find a restaurant at which to eat and getting guests to come.

So here's your assignment, friends of HJO: Make me a party for Saturday evening! I don't care where, when, or what (well, within reason). Consider it a personal favour to me.

ANY AND ALL ARE INVITED! Maybe you should RSVP here, and whoever is picking up this assignment can let whomever else know. Invite people, tell the world, etc. I want to see all of my children there. (The Ominous Return of Mama Shabooboola, hehehe).

As for what I want for my birthday ... custom shirts (clean ones I can actually wear out of the house), paints (of any variety), flowers (I never get any), CDs (surprise me! :), movies (again, surprise me), funky shoelaces (new fun thing I seem to like lately), or basically, anything else you think I'd like. I also accept cash or credit cards.

So yeah. Thus ends the first lj entry since godknowswhen. Maybe I'll try to update more, again. I've enjoyed our time together, little text box. :)

also, thisCollapse )

That's just freaky.

current mood: bored

[8 sirens || almost brave]

Friday, August 22nd, 2003
12:05 am - and all was laid to burnination
All I can say is, we shouldn't have invoked the wrath of Trogdor.

But seriously folks, if we weren't here, this fire wouldn't be a big deal. Forests do this, routinely, as a purge and cleansing. This isn't any consolation, but if humans did not exist in this part of the land, this fire would burn up all the dead things so that new things could grow in their place. After all, this fire was caused by a lightning strike.

I can't stand my parents' tears. They have their 'faith', but in the end, it profits them little. They are still afraid. They are still obsessed with the things of this world. If no one dies, then all is right. When dealing with destruction by fire, one must remember that the material objects are entirely secondary.

I've been wondering very odd things, however. Like how close you would have to get to the fire before your eyebrows would singe.

I am very tired tonight, for some reason or another. I don't know how long I slept, but I am of the opinion it wasn't very long, though I went to bed relatively early.

Vancouver in about 1.5 days. (Lindsay, I'm going back on the 28th, because I promised Mom I'd be back then. When are you guys going back?)

current mood: drained

[7 sirens || almost brave]

Thursday, August 21st, 2003
10:58 am
lyrics from the listenCollapse )

jewel, absence of fear

inside my skin
there is this space
it twists and turns
it bleeds and aches

inside my heart
there's an empty room
it's waiting for lightning
it's waiting for you

and i am wanting
and i am needing you here
inside the absence of fear

muscle and sinew
velvet and stone
this vessel is haunted
it creaks and moans

my bones call to you
in their separate skin
make myself translucent
to let you in

for i am wanting
and i am needing you here
inside the absence of fear

there is this hunger
this restlessness inside of me
and it knows that you're no stranger
you're my gravity

my hands will adore you
through all darkness aim
they will lay you out in moonlight
and reinvent your name

for i am wanting
i am needing you here
i need you near
inside the absence of fear

----

Vancouver day after tomorrow. I'm so excited I can't breathe. Not that I'd want to anyways, the air is stifled with ash. This smoky darkness is oppressive, at best. At least I'll be escaping to relatively clean ocean air. Again, I'm excited in the best way. I have quite a bit to do before going, though.

Mm, what else? I'm generally having a good day, methinks. :)

Off to work in a bit. I should probably shower.

current mood: happy

[2 sirens || almost brave]

Tuesday, August 19th, 2003
3:01 am
i will watch untalkative bunny at 4am
i will wish that someone else was alive at said time
i may eventually end up going to bed

[4 sirens || almost brave]

2:27 am
i've brewed my fantastic face for so long
practiced the throat catch
(my voice doesn't even budge, anymore)
the verge is avoided
and i can usually calm me home

oh you
the cliche is so evident
trauma so absurd and fucked up
this face
makes me want to curse in a different language
something that sounds like
squeaks and moans
we are all made of stone
and ice
i thought i had gotten over this
but now i am warm
and wet
and trying to make myself feel better

maybe redemption comes
in words
or in hell

current mood: worthless

[ || almost brave]

Monday, August 18th, 2003
11:46 pm
of all things i fear
death by fire
death by burning
and the smell of flesh and smoke
sears the rear of my brain
while i listen to pounds of ash
billow

d e s t r u c t i o n e q u a l i z e s

we are crouching beneath a rock
hands over head
oh, we thought the thumb opposed gave us
so much superiority
but we're running scared
with all the rest of the beasts
followed by a trail of grey
and smells that chill our boiling blood

current mood: running scared

[2 sirens || almost brave]

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